The holiday season can be a time of joy, family togetherness, cherished traditions, and an abundance of festive food and drinks. The jingly holiday commercials, cheesy Hallmark movies, Christmas music on the radio, and holiday decorations are meant to ignite that holiday spirit and endless cheer.
But for many, the reality of the holidays can evoke dread, overwhelming stress, financial worries, waves of grief, or nostalgia. Balancing familial obligations and expectations can turn into a careful juggling act. Although family gatherings during the holidays are supposed to be about celebration and quality family time, let’s be real: the expectation of being with our family of origin and extended relatives we seldom see can often be overwhelming, triggering, or simply too much to handle for extended periods.
Navigating the holidays doesn’t mean appeasing others at the expense of your needs or desires for what you want your holidays to look and feel like. It’s not your job to manage the chaos, pick up the slack, be the peacemaker, or fix whatever issues arise. If you’re already feeling yourself sliding into an anxiety spiral thinking about juggling one-on-one time with your family, permit yourself to honor your limits and capacity, so this year can be a better balance of YOUR needs and those of your family.
Understanding Your Needs (Yes, You Have Needs)
First and foremost, your mental health and well-being are crucial, and you deserve to enjoy some aspect of the holidays just like everyone else. Growing up, you may have been taught that other people’s needs are more important than yours. But if you live your life always prioritizing others’ needs over your own, you will eventually find yourself in a pit of depression, anxiety, and chronic stress.
During the holidays, this type of heavy depression or anxiety can be especially problematic. After all, our tendency may be to keep the peace or not rock the boat because we simply don’t have the energy to advocate for ourselves. But for your sanity’s sake, it’s okay and necessary to try and find some compromise with what you’re willing and able to tolerate regarding other people’s expectations. This is where honoring your limitations and setting boundaries is important. For example, if talking about politics is exhausting for you, let your family know you won’t participate in that conversation.
The Power of Permission
Permitting yourself to step away isn’t about avoiding your family or the holiday spirit. It’s about recognizing your needs and acknowledging your limits to cultivate a life that aligns with balance, health, and fulfillment. Being constantly surrounded by family, even those you love dearly can become exhausting and overly taxing on the nervous system. We don’t want to hang out in a place where we feel on edge, emotionally or physically depleted, or feel like anxiety is lurking under the surface.
If you’re getting overwhelmed with family time, it’s perfectly okay to say, “Hey, I need to take a break” or “I need a few minutes to myself,” or make a polite excuse to retreat to a quieter space. Remember, self-care is not selfish—it’s necessary, and you deserve a happy holiday season that isn’t riddled with stress or anxiety.
Practical Ways to Take a Break
- Go for a Walk: Fresh air and a change of scenery can do wonders for your mood and stress levels. Even 15 minutes away can make an impact.
- Find a Quiet Space: Retreat to a bedroom, bathroom, or any quiet corner to decompress.
- Run a Quick Errand: Offer to go to the store to get more drinks, food items, kitchen supplies, etc.
- Just Get Out of the House: Go see a movie, visit a coffee shop, or meet up with another family member or friend for a drink (you’d be surprised how many people are taking a break from their families!).
- Engage in a Calming Activity: Read a book, listen to music, meditate, or do deep breathing exercises.
- Set Boundaries: Politely but firmly let your family know you need some alone time or that you won’t be able to stay the entire time. Most will understand and respect your need for space.
Be Kind, but Realistic with Yourself
Remember that it’s perfectly normal to need a break. You are not a machine or devoid of emotional or physical needs. You aren’t going to get a participation award for being present through every single moment of the holidays with your family. There are no brownie points or trophies for forcing yourself to sit through every irritating conversation. The ultimate self-sacrifice isn’t going to serve you here or win you a grand prize.
The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, but they don’t have to be perfect. It’s okay if you need to step away to maintain your sanity, or to regroup if you’re feeling triggered and need a breather. Be kind to yourself, acknowledge your feelings, and take the necessary steps to care for your well-being and mental health.
Final Thoughts
The holiday season can be a time of connection, gift-giving, great food, and wonderful traditions. But this time of year can also come with its challenges. By permitting yourself to take a break from overwhelming obligations or too much family time, you ensure you can enjoy the festivities without compromising your well-being.
So, this holiday season, have some ideas in mind for taking a break if needed. Maybe even share those ideas with your partner or an ally family member to hold you accountable. Respecting your limits and capacity reflects strength and courage and signifies progress in your self-growth and healing journey. Remember, it’s okay to step away when you need to and prioritize your needs. Your mental health and future self will thank you!
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or just need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out! We’re here for you and ready to help. You’re not alone during this season—let’s navigate it together!
